Floating in Contentment

          I am sometimes surprised by how lucky I got. I have such a beautiful life. Maybe I have excellent karma left over from a past life. Or maybe it was just the luck of the draw, and I picked the long straw. Whatever it is, whatever has made this life possible, I am eternally grateful. What is there to complain of, really? I am sitting on a futon in my room, having just finished a delicious lunch of some mexican concoction I stumbled upon last week, bathed in Pandora music and eating some heavenly brownie Leslie gave me. The weather is beautiful, I have no huge pending assignments hanging over my head like a cloud, and this is my easy day of classes. This is perfection. Technically, perfection does not exist, but because I am perfectly happy with my life, can it exist in that sense? I think so. I hope so. 

          I crave to read. I absolutely adore reading for pleasure, but during school there is simply no time to devote to such a self-gratifying activity. During school, there is always a textbook that needs reading; no time for Dan Brown and his taunting third novel that is staring at me from Andrea's box-turned-bookshelf. This is what I look forward to the most, come two weeks from now: Thanksgiving break, and the opportunity it holds for the things that I love to do. I will have five days, five beautifully empty days in which I can finally read The Lost Symbol, finish my dad's christmas blanket, and spend hours in the kitchen cooking. I can finish my cruise scrapbook, buy the supplies for my next, college-themed scrapbook, and take naps with Sonny and Boo. I can go shopping and see Shannon and go jogging and see people I haven't seen since high school and give my liver a break. And, most importantly, I can spend time with my family. I am determined not to have the sort of relationship with my family that my dad has with his. I want my children to adore my parents; I want them to have a wonderful relationship. I can't let myself forget about the importance of my family, no matter how much Lawrence has become home to me. I suppose there's nothing wrong with two families- my Lenexa family and my Lawrence family. When did this paragraph take such a cheesy turn? Dammit. Time to switch direction a bit. 

          So, it turns out I have men coming out of my ears. Hailey and I made a list of the men that have been in my life since the start of school, and a separate list of those that are still in it. This baffles me- there are ten people on the list, and five on the separate list. When did this happen? Don't misunderstand me, I am not complaining. It's just a bit of a shock to see those names on paper. But this is how I wanted my freshman year to be- casually dating, absolutely no boyfriends. Sometimes, though, I become reminiscent of high school and the beautiful relationships I developed with a few different guys, one at a time, and how wonderful it was to fancy myself in love. I miss that feeling. But at the same time, I know I need to hold off, hold back, and actually wait this time around for the absolutely right person for me to come along. These past few months have proved that there will never be a shortage of men, a few of which really wanted a deep relationship. I don't have anything to worry about. I just need to ignore the part of me that just wants to settle for one person, because ultimately I wouldn't be happy. I would be reliving high school, and Lord knows how desperately I want to leave high school in my past and create a completely different future. So, characteristic of my current mood, I am content with my current situation of men. Flirting is one of my favorite things to do, and I do plenty of it, so I am happy. Settling down with one person can wait. For now I am going to live it up as the freshman in college I am and, for once in my life, not yearn to be older. I am happy just where I am.